February 22, 2007
Being Zack Greinke
Zack Greinke discusses his depression in an exclusive interview with the Kansas City Star:
So how bad did it get?
"I really don't know what it is or what it was," Greinke began. "Depression kind of runs in my family. Supposedly, it goes down through (genetically). But I don't know if that's what I was actually going through.
"The medicine I take is an antidepressant. So (depression) must have something to do with it. That and social anxiety. But I don't think it was a serious case. I mean, I never thought about killing myself.
"It was always, once I got away from baseball, I was fine. So I didn't think about it as (an emotional disorder). I just thought that, at the baseball field, I was unhappy."
That misery reached such depths that Greinke often contemplated quitting baseball while still in the minors. His inability to handle the down time between starts heightened his turmoil and made him yearn to be a hitter or at least a relief pitcher.
"I'd talk to my agent all the time and ask him: 'How can I tell the Royals that I don't want to pitch? That I want to try hitting?,' " said Greinke, who added he knew there was no chance of that happening, which increased his frustration. "I thought that was why I hated baseball. I thought it was because I wanted to hit.
"It would be at least once a month that I'd be crying to myself while I'm going to bed with a bat in my hand, just swinging it. It's stupid. That doesn't happen anymore."
It's better now:
"But as soon as that was over and they sent me down (officially), I was done talking about it. Now, I'm just playing baseball. Now, I'm just going to the field. It was better after that."
Greinke went 4-1 while allowing just 13 earned runs in 48 innings over his last seven starts. That helped Wichita reach the Texas League playoffs, and that success proved a tonic in itself.
He found it hard to believe that he enjoyed baseball so much. He kept wondering if the joy would dissipate. It didn't.
"Usually with me," he said, "a month or even two months before the season is over, I'd be counting days. More than counting days. I'd be begging for it to be over. As soon as the last game was over, I'd be showered and gone.
"Last year, it was like I'd like to stay a little longer."
That's good news. Now, the question is can he make the big league club? Zack reaching his potential would be a huge boost to the Royals.
Posted by David Pinto at
03:14 PM
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Greinke discusses his depression -- well, sort of. Yes, it sounds as if he's taking some sort of medication, prescribed for him presumably because he's been diagnosed as suffering from clinical depression. But his total lack of self-knowledge distresses me. Someone told him to take this pill, so he does. Well, I won't go into a long discussion of this, but I hope that at the least the Royals are providing Zack with a competent sports psychologist who can help him to get to the bottom of his seeming performance anxiety. Then, if he does not suffer from some sort of chemical imbalance, perhaps he'll be able to move beyond medication and deal with his issues head-on, leading to real internal awareness and growth. Probably asking too much of any jock, I know ... : )
Not sure where you're going with this, Jan. Depression is a real illness, and it affects different people differently.
rbj: I've read only the excerpt here, but from what I'm reading I'm hearing someone who still sounds almost totally unaware of whether or not he is, or has been, clinically depressed. Given his age and probable inclination, I don't suspect that much soul-searching has taken place -- yet. And as I said, if this truly is a chemical imbalance situation, perhaps medication alone will be enough. Again, rbj, I fell distressed after reading what sounds like continuing confusion in Zack. That's why I hope that the Royals stay on top of this, to further assist this kid. And of course, I know that depression is a real illness, rbj, I'm just not sure that Greinke's attempt at discussing this was the right thing for him -- yet. Anyway, I hope that just playing ball whether it be on the minor or major league level, will be OK for Zack, and that with or without medication he's able to find joy in the moment, as he learns more about who he is. Enough of the psychobabble ... This is the sort of discussion that can hardly be handled in brief snippets, unfortunately, rbj. --
If he plays for the Royals this season, he isn't going to sniff team success. What will his attitude about the game be then?
This is unfortunate because, with depression, it can be sudden and in bursts. The cause of Greinke's depression could be absolutely nothing but chemicals, his yearn to hit, his standing with the team, or something completely insignificant. It doesn't sound like Greinke is sitting there and moping about during this depression, but is in fact "crying" and feeling distanced... and that's the worst of all, because chemicals hardly ever work in SATISFYING oneself, they just prevent anxiety and increase ones mood (at least that's all I've heard of happening, but I'm no DR.)
I wish the best for this kid, because, unlike injury, this isn't something you can rehabilitate... this is just something you have to fight through.
Thanks, Jan.
I think the guy is too young to have full knowledge of himself -- but I don't think anyone in their twenties does. The meds seem to be a first step, to end the chemical imbalance & thus those symptoms. Next is for him to come to terms with himself.
He does need to get better informed though. My wife is clinically depressed, and while the meds control it, she does have worse "bad days" than a non-depressed person has in the normal swing of good days & bad days. We're quite well informed on it, so even in the throes of a bad stretch, she logically knows what's going on. But emotionally, she doesn't feel that way at all, and that creates a battle within herself. If Greinke doesn't have that logical informed part working on his behalf, then a bad stretch can really mess him up.
It does not sound like a purely physiological issue or chemical imbalance; the fact that he says, "Once I got away from baseball, I was fine" means that he experiences the depression most strongly related to the specific situation of playing baseball. That strongly suggests the need for cognitive-behavioral therapy (let alone psychoanalysis) over and above the medication. However, I believe it is good that he continues to play, and it is a good sign that he began finding pleasure in the game last year since he began (drug) therapy.
I wish the young man success in dealing with his depression, and if he does so, may he be provide hope to others so afflicted.
Zack Greinke is a pitcher. His job is to be one of the most important players on a baseball field. He's also twenty three. He's young, talented, but not without his issues. Most pitchers at his age have serious physical progress to make. Greinke has depression to work through. This seems uncommon to major league pitchers, but depression is not an uncommon affliction. What is uncommon is that Greinke is in a public situation where his depression is well documented to complete strangers.
Doesn't that seem unfair? Should we really be judging someone we don't know based on a short edited interview? Greinke is a human being, and one who struggles with depression. We don't know him and he doesn't know us. Shouldn't we give him the respect of not judging his medical and mental state based on little to no information? Wouldn't that be how we, as human beings, would like to be treated?
I wish Greinke the best. I think he can and will be a great ballplayer. But as a young person myself, all I can say is I would like to be given the respect of dealing with my own issues personally and out of the public's eye. It's the only fair thing to do, and kudos to the Royals for giving Greinke the space to start the process of figuring himself out. I think we, as the public, should take a hint from the Royals and give Greinke the respect he deserves as a great baseball player while letting him work out how he will live his own life privately without further unneccesary judgement.